Migrating Blog

Hello friends and fellow blog readers.

I am migrating this blog to wordpress.  Not all of the bells and whistles are functioning yet, but here is the link to the new "Beauty of Everyday Things."

Thanks for following!   I couldn't control the graphics the way I wanted here and my friends had trouble commenting which could explain why I got a lot of hits but no comments. See you at wordpress.com!

The Power of Words

  The goal of right speech is very hard.  The other night after I yelled at my kids for the enormous pile of toys on the train table that in many ways is really my fault because I haven't consistently and realistically taught them how to keep their toys organized and put away, I realized that this type of outburst leads to a bout of self derision.  Even as I chastised them for taking off their clothes and leaving them on the floor, after the words left my mouth I remembered that I have always been just like that, and although I no longer leave my clothes on the floor, I tend to pile them on a chair, the couch, the top of my dresser. Even at work last night by closing time as people suddenly had questions needing answers when I was ready to go home, my speech, my whole demeanor begins to close up like a turtle.  Not rude, not mean, but less than helpful, certainly less than enthusiastic.  And yet I know what power all those words and non-verbal messages have.  My interaction with another person can change their day, could, under the right circumstances, change their life.

So here is another powerful idea, not my own, but it's floating out their in the ether these days.  There are times that I don't want to do this work, this work of continually trying to be a better person, of trying to reign in my temper and my eating habits and all the ways small and large that I am not kind. In my darker moments I think that I am not worth it.  Who am I to think that I could be a good person?  That I could make a difference?  But you don't do this work for yourself to be some kind of a saint.  You do this work for the benefit of all beings, to make the world a better place.  You do this work because your words and actions can affect someone's day, and that can have a ripple effect on a whole bunch of other people/beings as well.  So when I come back to that place, that dark place where I don't think I'm strong enough or worth it, I need to remember that it's not all about me, even if it has to start with me since that's all I can really change.

The meaning of yoga is to yoke.  So the work is not just to get onto my mat, which I need to do momentarily, but also to yoke, to reign in my smaller, petty self, and refrain from harm.  

No Coffee, No Prana

It is almost time to get on the mat.  I am drinking a cup of coffee as part of my pre-practice ritual.  I mean to experiment to see if coffee before practice really helps with the prana.  Sharath Rangaswamy from India says "no coffee, no prana."  Here's hoping he's right.

But I wonder if it is truly an aid.  Certainly it seems to help wake up the body faster, although 5 surya namaskar A followed by 5 rounds of surya namaskar B does a pretty good job of that as well.  I notice my mind skitters around more with the caffeine and it's a bit harder to focus.  But I like it and Sharath says it's okay so.....  to heck with the herbal tea!

But it brings me to the subject of addiction, and addictive behaviors.  There's a lot of addiction in my family and it has exacted a toll. Someone very close to me suffers and struggles with drug addiction and it is very hard to watch someone continually throw their life down the toilet as if it were worth nothing, as if they didn't matter to anyone.  I can't solve that, but when I look to myself I find plenty of evidence of addictive behavior.  Start with the coffee.  The number one thing my friends who suffer from insomnia really don't want to hear is that reducing their caffeine intake is the first step to a better night's sleep.  They look at me in disbelief.  Their eyes glaze over and it's like my children who are beginning to hear me less and less the more I go on.  They don't want to believe it, and yet I can say that when I'm not sleeping at night, when I start waking up at 2AM thinking all those useless circular thoughts, the only thing that helps is reducing the caffeine intake.  And I reduce slowly, by 4 ounces a day, to avoid the migraines that come from abrupt cessation of caffeine intake.  It's certainly worth a try if you're a coffee drinker who suffers from insomnia.  

But that's not all.  I'm an emotional eater, and I've struggled with my weight all my life.  I recently found Claudia's blog (thank you Nobel!) and she wrote an article about losing 30 pounds through yoga (and keeping it off), and she writes about the verbal messages we give ourselves.  She writes that:

When somebody wants to manifest something positive, keeping the vocabulary clean (no curse words, no negativity), is key. It surprises me to no end to see, even in yoga circles, a tremendous denial of the power of the word. There is a reason why I call it “weight release” (except perhaps in the title of this post), and that is because phrasing it that way is more powerful, since when we “lose” something, we usually try to find it again.

And I wonder about this.  Her number one point was about self love.  Combine the two together and you have all the verbal messages and thoughts you tell yourself everyday.  Perhaps it begins before you get out of bed in the morning.  Controlling these messages, the negative thoughts that fill our head space, could be a huge key in controlling our behavior.

So it's back to the mat, and to set an intention this week to focus on right speech, on saying the kind thing, the true (but not hurtful) thing, and avoid the gossip, negative self talk, and above all the less than kind impatient things I say to my family.  

Old Friends and Hot Yoga

I saw my friend Sandi at the gymnastics studio last night. We used to have a 5:30 am yoga class at her house in which a few friends allowed a new yoga teacher (me) to test her wings. We got up very early, got a good work out, and had fun too. It was exceedingly kind of her to allow me to practice my newbie skills on her unsuspecting body and friends, but we did okay and noone got hurt. But life takes people in different directions and I knew she'd gotten pretty serious about Bikram Yoga, and I've been delving more and more into Ashtanga, so it was fun to see her and reconnect and talk to someone who really knows what its like to have a daily practice. And boy is she seriously thin! On that alone I would run not walk to a Bikram class if I hadn't heard so many other things that I didn't like the sound of. But since I haven't actually tried a Bikram class, I won't say much on that here.

Bikram and Ashtanga have a lot in common and one of those things is that beginners do the same sequence every day for a long time. This seems to fly in the face of modern exercise theory, and some very good teachers I know are putting theories of periodization and others to use in their sequences. David Magone in particular recommends focusing on different areas on different days, backbending one day, forward bends and hip openers another, so as not to overtrain. I know a little about this from training for Sprint distance triathlons a few years ago. So what is the benefit of doing the same sequence and working the same muscles every day?

Sandi and I don't have a scientific answer for that question, but for her the Bikram sequence makes her feel great, and she looks to be in tip top shape. For me, ashtanga just rocks my world right now and a good class leaves me feeling wrung out and mellow. Just last night a young man mentioned that after class he catches himself driving 55 mph on the highway. I mean, who actually drives that slow on the highway? That is seriously relaxed. I would love to be able to design a sequence that made people feel that good afterwards.

At least in Ashtanga you get one day off, more if you're traditional and don't practice on moon days and ladies holidays. Sandi says she practices every day and has for over a year. Pass the Bikram juice anyone??

Not the other knee!

Oh dear. Sundays are for 2nd series these days, and everything was going fine until the first lotus, the one where you reach behind to clasp your toes (next year), and drop back. Anyway, when I went to pull my right foot toward my left hip crease, my beautiful steady lotus folding right knee went creak, crick, ack! Not good. Not good! This is my good side and things were just getting so much better.

But I'm not going to panic. Not much anyway. I went through the rest of the practice as best I could, beginning to have grave doubts as to whether I have any business practicing 2nd series anyway. Although the left foot is beginning to move behind the head... I could really use a teacher here but there's no one around here teaching 2nd series.

By the way, have you noticed that Kino's voice is very annoying when she tells you to drop back at 7am? Dropping back is not very pleasant so early, and suddenly her voice is just.... not what I want to hear. At least watching her do tictacs is amusing, because it's not like I'm attempting THAT at 7am.

Okay, so this is a very selfish post in a way, because I'm whining. Which reminds me of my post on time, in which I was also whining. Later it occurred to me that I'm like a kid with a dollar in a candy shop, crying because there are so many choices and I can't have them all. Make your choice, and thoroughly enjoy it. That is lesson enough for today.

So here's hoping that the right knee thing is a fluke, and that the very fact that I felt it means that it's not injured as deeply as the left knee, which I didn't feel at all until it was too late. There was never a sense of injuring the knee, only a sense of noticing later that it had been injured.

Painting Uttanasana

Unbelievably, not only did my son want to paint this morning, but he let me paint and draw. Suddenly I'm making progress toward my artistic goals. It has been too long. This drawing of uttanasana is done with kids' tempera paints. Fun! I thought I would be more rusty, but it feels as if the knowledge of the poses from the inside helps draw them on the outside. Practice this morning was too short, but I made it to the mat and have plans to get back there this afternoon, but that will be to work on plans for my class this Sunday, not ashtanga. I think that I'll revisit a PranaVayu sequence I was working on over the summer. PranaVayu is a style of yoga founded by David Magone in 2001, and that's what I learned for my 200 hour teacher training. David just redesigned his website and it is totally gorgeous!

Talent is Overrated

A good friend Kevan Gale, co-owner of StilStudio in Dedham, Massachusetts, recommended the book Talent is Overrated by Geoff Colvin a few years ago. I was pretty much occupied with raising a family and other things at the time, and couldn't give it the attention it deserved.

The basic premise of the book is that while most people believe that great performers like concert pianists, NFL football players, and chess masters are born with special talents that make them likely to succeed in their chosen fields, there is no evidence to bear this out. Long term studies indicate that high performance in any given field is a matter of dedicating long hours of what the book calls "deliberate practice" for many years, even a lifetime. Deliberate practice is defined as a little different than what most of us actually do when we practice, which is a little haphazard. Most people practice doing what they do well and avoid practicing things they aren't good at. Deliberate practice involves, among other things, focusing on those very things that might not be enjoyable, in order to improve, especially those skills that don't come easily or feel natural.

Another concept Colvin mentions at this point is that great performers have a deliberate, organized training program. They take advantage of teachers and trainers, even at high levels. They don't blame the weather or the phase of the moon if their golf shot goes awry, they take responsibility and work hard to improve so it doesn't happen again.

Perhaps most importantly, the book closes with a chapter on motivation, taking the reader to the very edge of research in the field and gazing out over the precipice. There is considerable discussion of the multiplier effect, and the origins of the drive to excel. The multiplier effect is the idea that early encouragement and/or success in a particular endeavor could lead to more confidence, and more desire to practice. This could in turn lead to improved performance, and gradually become self-replicating.

Finally, the book supposes, it comes down to what your goals are, and your personal beliefs.

What does all this have to do with yoga? It occurs to me that the hours spent in deliberate, focused practice on the mat, are an excellent training endeavor with transferable skills. The lessons we learn on our yoga mats, that our minds and our bodies can transform with time and gentle, persistent attention, can be taken off the mat and, forgive the cliche, into the world. If you can learn to open your hips, to meditate, to perform a headstand or a crow or any other pose that at first seems almost beyond your abilities, then you can master a business skill, be a more effective parent, or any other endeavor that seems worthwhile. Namaste!

This picture is from a 1958 book titled "The Key of Yoga" by Walter B. Gibson. I love the 50's aesthetic here, and it's also worthy of note that Kino Macgregor was not the first woman to do yoga in a tube top.

And let's face it, I just wish that I could do yoga in a tube top!

I made it through nearly Day 6 of the Fall Detox, but was derailed slightly by a family dinner at my very favorite Italian restaurant. I made intelligent choices, avoided the bread, had a glass of wine, but by Sunday I had no kitchari left and no time to make it, so it was hard to get back on track. So I'm adding 2 days and trying to figure out where to go from here. David Garrigues began a 3 part video on the yogi's diet and I'll be eagerly watching that this week.

This morning I'm experimenting with drinking a half cup of coffee before practicing, which is why I'm posting before 6am. Yesterday I practiced 2nd series. The knee is getting better, the lotus slightly deeper and I'm learning how far I can push it. There is some pain, but my feeling is that if I don't push it at all, it will heal in a tighter place that could take many months or even years to undo. Finding that perfect edge is tricky. The headstands in 2nd series are a lot of fun to play with. Once you've got a basic headstand, the variations are interesting and surprising. Put my hands where? Okay, that wasn't too bad. Now out to the side, okay, we'll see....

The next post I'm working on is based on ideas from a book called Talent is Overrated, by Geoff Colvin, which my friend and fellow yogi Kevan Gale told me about a few years ago, which I'm just getting back to. I highly recommended this book if you're interested in performance in any field of endeavor. I'm wrapping my mind about how to apply all these ideas to my yoga and art practice, and to the teaching of yoga.

Time

This drawing is from Light on Yoga, so here is a young Iyengar in Urdhva Mukha Svanasana, or upward facing dog. You do a lot of this pose in any kind of a vinyasa class, and especially an ashtanga class. David Swenson reminded us that this is a backbend, so focusing on the backbend everytime you transition through upward dog is a great way to unkink your upper back, warm up the back for deeper backbands, and also to avoid just blasting through it as if it were a waystation and not a pose in its own right. The most obvious modification while one is building the strength and flexibility to hold this is to take the knees to the floor.

Day 5 of the Fall Detox and I still feel good. Starting to long for eggs for breakfast and pasta with tomato sauce, but it's not too bad. The tea really helps and there is a broth too which I have not had time to make. And time, it turns out, is the real issue. Time to cook, time to apply sesame oil to the skin, time to shop for all the ingredients, time to make the tea. Time to do yoga, and take care of my family (oh yes, THAT full time job!), time to go to work, take showers, blowdry and flatiron my curly hair into silky flat submission! Time to talk with my husband, to draw, to watch my children grow and learn, to help them with their homework. Time to walk, pet, and throw the frisbee for my dog. Time to clean my house and do the endless laundry and the million sundry other things and I have no time left to think, relax, unwind. TV? Already I don't watch this. Who has time? Time to visit friends, to tend the garden, to remove the weeds. I simply don't have time to do all the things I want to do in this life, at least not right now. I long for all the time that I've wasted to come back to me, so that I can make better use of it. The hardest thing I have to do is choose. Art or yoga? Family or friends? Time for self-care or time to take care of my family? Paperwork and finances- you might notice that they didn't come very high on the list, and it shows.

How to decide when life is so interesting and full? What can I possibly give up to make more space for....

Last night at NeYoga was amazing, as always. I've been going there long enough that several people in the room I call friends. I was a little worried that I drank too much of the ashtanga yoga kool-aid when Sue adjusted me in baddha konasana, but she asked first and the knee felt okay, and I just kept thinking throughout the whole practice "Isvara Pranidhana," which I think of as surrender to a higher power although I don't necessarily call it God. Isvara pranidhana is one of the niyamas, or yogic precepts, from the yoga sutras. Together with the yamas they are kind of like the yogic ten commandments. So if the knee hurt, I didn't do it. If it felt okay I did.

This is a heated room and sweat just pours off you. Normally my clothes are, well, disgusting at the end of practice. Okay, they reek. They smell so very awfully bad that my husband won't come near me if I'm still wearing them. I've learned to bring dry clothes to change into after. But I swear, unless I really did have too much of that kool-aid, that my clothes and my skin, while wet, did not smell bad last night. In fact, what I could smell mostly is the tea that I've been drinking on the detox, with the fennel, cumin and coriander seeds. So for a long time I've been searching for the right detergent to wash my clothes on the outside, when perhaps what I really needed to consider was what I've been putting inside.

I'm very excited, I just agreed to give a workshop on Yoga for Athletes for the AIM triathlete team at the Virginia Thurston Healing Garden in Harvard on October 23rd. I'm going to do a 1o minute talk, a 30 minute class, and give out a handout for their personal practice. This is a great opportunity.

The above picture is from a Ashtanga handbook from the David Swenson teacher training, all marked up with my notes and sketches. If I ever lead a teacher training I am going to include pictures of the assists! I noticed that in the Yoga Mala, Sharath does this pose with his knee beyond the ankle, rather than stacked as I have been taught. I suppose it would be safe enough on the knee as long as your upper torso was stacked on your thigh. I think you'd want to be careful to bring the knee back over the ankle before rising up to prevent torquing the knee unnecessarily. The other thing I notice from both Swenson and Sharath, is the rear foot is not 45 degrees in, which I think I've been told? Rather it's perpendicular to the front of the mat, which I have found myself doing as well without really thinking about it. Details, details.

Ganesh, Remover of Obstacles

Here's to Ganesh, the remover of obstacles, on the 2nd day of my fall detox. The kitchari turns out to be delicious and not so different from when my eating habits in healthy mode- rice, beans and vegetables, a little fat in the form of ghee. The tea actually helps with hunger, amazing. But last night dinner was late and hunger struck. When I get hungry, my mood sinks quickly. If meals are not regular, things can be downright unpleasant. Dinner wasn't ready until 7PM and it was a real struggle. I should have just had an apple, why didn't I just have an apple? Because, when hungry, rational thought is difficult to come by and it's either eat everything in sight or nothing at all. I'm working on that.

So this is good, I feel good, and practice was gentle this morning since first series at NeYoga with my favorite Ashtanga teacher Sue P is on the menu. One thing that is wonderful is not worrying about what to eat every day. Amazing how nice that is. So much energy is tied up in just deciding what to eat.

All this in an effort to get my silly butt off the floor in a jump through. Of course improved health and energy are desired also, but that jump through would be soooooo nice.

Ideas, resources and anecdotes on Ayurveda would be most welcome in the comment section.

Fall Detox

Above: Meyer and a view of the Squannacook River this morning from my morning walk.

Practice this morning was easy, meaning that I took it easy, which is difficult. I skipped vinyasa between seated poses, I skipped anything that made my recalcitrant knee unhappy. In short, I did not push, I simply went through the majority of first series with relative ease. I much prefer to push hard and struggle.

Today begins a 7 day fall detox that Yoga Journal is leading this month. So I made kitchari this morning, which is really rice and beans with Indian spices. It was surprisingly good and transported me back to a silent meal at Kripalu, a meal in which every bite was pure nourishing joy. I might make it through this week after all. At the moment I am making a tea with fennel seeds and cumin seeds. It also calls for coriander seeds but I bought the powdered coriander seeds by accident and wasn't sure about substituting that. I'm also making ghee, which I'm made before.

And cutting down on coffee, but I'm still at 12 ounces. Hateful as it is, it's good for me to do from time to time as I'm addicted and it gives me insomnia, especially when consumption creeps up. I'm very interested to see what effect, if any, this gentle fall cleanse has on practice.

Join me if you dare! I'd love to see your comments.

The Saga of a Householder Yogi

Sunday morning is normally a safe time to practice, second series was on the menu. But even though I got up at 6am and made coffee, my oldest daughter woke up at 6:15 followed in short order by my son. I plowed ahead anyway with Kino's DVD, plagued by a knee that has regressed since a seemingly deep opening on tuesday night. But by the time I got to 2 feet behind the head pose, which is a bit of a joke if you're not yet putting one foot behind the head, I was fixing broken lego firetrucks and begging my son to quiet down so that I could hear Kino counting.

Sigh.

By then the girls were down and it was time to make breakfast and get ready for church. As I showered I began to experience the disappointment of a practice that hadn't gone as planned, an important practice for the week at that, and then I remembered despite my knee issues, one foot came a little closer to moving behind my head, and pincha mayurasana, which I have been working on for years (before doing ashtanga even), is finally at a point where I can hold it for five short breaths. I'm working on elongating the breath in this pose. I'm not religious, but it reminds me that "the lord giveth, and the lord taketh away." I've lost lotus (temporarily I hope!) but discovered balance in Pinca. It is enough.

Tomorrow I start a fall detox with Yoga Journal. I'm a little worried since they seem to expect one to give up coffee and eat kitchari 3 times a day. It's supposed to be a gentle ayurvedic cleanse, so here's hoping for the best.

Practice Update

Tuesday night’s practice was at New England Yoga, with Deborah Dowson teaching. She has a great voice, just enough volume with a softness to it that is encouraging. I want to steal a few of her phrases as well. It was the best practice since July, with my knee going along for the ride in a number of ½ lotus positions, although still not Marichyasana B or D, but I didn’t expect that yet. I got the bind in ardha baddha padma paschimottanasana, but couldn’t fold forward yet (on that side). Fine, I’m happy with the bind for now. But the best was baddha padmasana, in lotus with hands to elbows (I have yet to clasp feet here) I could fold forward forward to the floor. Pure joy and gratitude!

The next morning the knee is, well, a bit twingy, a tiny bit stiff, but I went for a walk and it feels okay, I think. I’ll find out for sure in the morning when I practice again. I think the important thing is that my hamstrings felt warm and pliable last night, all of my forward folds are deeper, and I think that this is what allows the hip and knee to open up more. In fact, I suspect that the knee was caused by the hamstrings tightening up from over-practice. Too much ego, over efforting, too much tapas, whatever you want to call it I totally overdid it!

Tuesday morning I taught a creative vinyasa class that I put together using what I have learned from PranaVayu yoga, Ashtanga, and other teachers & styles. It’s interesting that I just read a blog where the writer went on a long rant about people who do this, who mix and match styles. But you know, someone designed all of these styles (Ashtanga included, although the age of the lineage is a topic for another day), and they used all that they had learned from previous teachers. Most vinyasa teachers do this, unless they teach a particular style and adhere to all of its dictums. In my vinyasa classes I am experimenting with designing sequences that are balanced (backbending and forward folding, building strength and developing flexibility), offer variations for everyone from the beginner to advanced practitioner, and inspire a love of yoga. I want to help people experience their bodies from the inside out, and to plant the seed that a strong, healthy, flexible body is an ally on the spiritual journey; even if one is ostensibly not on a spiritual journey and just wants a good workout.

I’m working on a blogroll, but for now I wanted to thank my friend Ursula linking to this blog. Her blog is my inspiration, and well worth a detailed look. I’m a fan!

Journey into Second Series- Nadi Shodhana

-photo of Erin Carey from the Zany Umbrella Circus: hanumanasana while suspended in red ribbon

Today was a first- I practiced 2nd Series from David Swenson's book. For some time I have hesitated. Traditionally in Mysore you should be able to bind in Marichyasana D, Supta Kurmasana, and be able to stand up from a backbend to move on to 2nd series. According to Swenson's book however, he advises that if you can practice 1st series in its entirety with full breath, making appropriate modifications for your body, then you may be ready to move on. I can't bind in Mari D or Supta Kurmasana, but I can stand up from a backbend and practice 1st series in its entirety with focus and breath. Further, when I only practice 1st series, I miss deeper backbends.

1 week later: I've ordered Kino Macgregor's 2nd Series DVD. The first time I practiced 2nd series from DS's book, I thought you had to adjust your hand positions in headstand while staying up the whole time. The 2nd time I read the instructions (and fancy that being useful) and realized that it is permissible to come down between the variations. Much better. The lotus on my left/hurt knee side is slowly slowly improving. Some poses are impossible right now (2 feet behind the head), so mostly I work on getting one foot behind the head. It's not quite there but I can feel the possibility.

Sunday (today)- first time practicing with Kino MacGregor's 2nd series DVD. Some things are much clearer, especially the transitions, but I can see years of work here. Not that primary isn't years of work either! Kino stops the standing pose sequence earlier than Swenson indicates in his book. Those tittibasana variations are completely insane! I need to figure out how to schedule my week. If I practice six days a week, Saturdays off, how often do i do Primary versus 2nd series? Perhaps I'll start doing 2nd series once a week for now, on Sundays. I can't realistically do a full practice every single day, some days get cut short, but I always do something. And sometimes I like to play with PranaVayu (another style) and tinker with my own sequences, but I can do that in the afternoons. For now I'm experimenting with ashtanga 6 days a week, from now until the David Garrigues workshop at the end of the year. Then I'll reevaluate and see how I feel and where all this is going.

Rebuild/Renew: Teacher Training with David Swenson and Shelley Washington

In July of 2011 I went to Burlington, Vermont for a week of teacher training with David Swenson and Shelley Washington. During that week, our class was taught the physical adjustments for every pose in the primary series of Ashtanga yoga, as well as timing and breath counts. I was fortunate to go with my teacher, Sue Pentland from New England Yoga. We worked together the last two days, teaching and assisting each other while getting help and advice from David and Shelley. I was already familiar with David Swenson’s down to earth expertise and humor from a prior workshop. His wife and partner Shelley Washington was a welcome surprise, bringing a dancer’s view of the practice and often providing insights into how one pose prepares the body for another.

The mysore classes at YogaVermont were enlightening as well, and if you’re ever in Burlington, do try to get a class with Kathy McNames or Scott York. Kathy’s assists were deep and thoughtful, and her advice to me will resonate for a long time. She watched me trying to get my feet at hip width for a dropback, and she told me that when you’re washing dishes, you just wash the dishes. You don’t have to keep trying really hard to get the dishes cleaner. David Swenson gave related advice, that I also failed to truly hear in time. He said that ashtanga yoga is a tool, like a knife. You can use it as a tool, or you can use it as a weapon. Through no fault of theirs, I over-practiced, doing mysore classes at YogaVermont everyday, which I should have foregone by the end of the week as our training involved more and more practice. I wanted to learn a bit of 2nd series, so I went to a thursday night mixed primary/2nd series class, which felt great and probably would have been fine if I didn't also go to mysore class on friday morning, followed by a day of teaching, assisting, and practicing about 2/3 of primary series. By Saturday my left knee, already predisposed to delicacy from running on pavement with my dog this summer, was no longer interested in lotus. I got through the weekend okay, breathing and modifying as necesssary, but when I got home everything tightened up. I took a break from practicing (and oh how I hate that), but now that I'm back, recovery is slow. It's like I'm new. In many ways I am new, I am renewed, my entire chauturanga/vinyasa has been analyzed and improved, and I have to solidify and reinforce new habits of breath and movement. But when even janu sirsasana makes my knee squeal, it's hard to maintain the internal focus to breathe through a seated sequence with so many modifications.

The goal now is to take it slow and rebuild from the ground up. Acknowledge that my own ego/stubbornness has brought me to this place, and thoroughly learn this lesson. Also acknowledge the gift, this must be what most people feel like when they come to this practice, this ashtanga practice, for the first time or the first year or longer. In the long run, this will make me a better teacher. Inhale head up, exhale fold. It's really quite simple. Just wash the dishes, they are clean enough.

Ahh Dancer. It is such a challenge as it demands a flexible spinal column, hamstrings, quadriceps, and shoulders, along with the ability to balance on one foot while clasping your foot behind your head. This is done with a strap. I can't quite figure out how to clasp the baby toe side of the foot and turn the elbow outward, skyward.

You can kind of tell from this picture that I spent more time doing yoga than cleaning my kitchen.

Today I actually drew. With a nice soft artist's pencil, graphite stick, and gum erasor. Not a very good drawing, mind you, but I had the satisfaction of mark making on paper.

I have this idea that if I drew everyday, I could begin to approach my artistic goals in a meaningful way. To date that discipline eludes me.